


the bee movie is a piece of art

by OnlyJustAMemory



Category: The Witcher (TV), Wiedźmin | The Witcher - All Media Types
Genre: ? - Freeform, Alternate Universe - College/University, Alternate Universe - Modern Setting, Angst, Crack, F/F, F/M, Fluff, M/M, Team as Family, This is a group chat fic, and yes i included renfri bc i love her, honestly idk, i have no idea how college works but i did my best
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2020-07-18
Updated: 2020-07-18
Packaged: 2021-03-04 19:42:28
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 3
Words: 2,252
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/25361842
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/OnlyJustAMemory/pseuds/OnlyJustAMemory
Summary: thebeemovie: what have i ever done to youmottsapplejuice: i have a listthebeemovie: i want to call bullshit but i know better so imma just be the better person and step backdannydevitosdorito: he’s not the better person he’s just scared of youthebeemovie: i feel hurt, i feel betrayed, i dedicated my life to our lord and saviour jesus christ and this is the thanks i getmottsapplejuice: jesus can’t save you now bitchthebeemovie: i-
Relationships: Cirilla Fiona Elen Riannon & Geralt z Rivii | Geralt of Rivia, Cirilla Fiona Elen Riannon & Jaskier | Dandelion, Cirilla Fiona Elen Riannon & Yennefer z Vengerbergu | Yennefer of Vengerberg, Geralt z Rivii | Geralt of Rivia & Jaskier | Dandelion, Geralt z Rivii | Geralt of Rivia & Yennefer z Vengerbergu | Yennefer of Vengerberg, Geralt z Rivii | Geralt of Rivia/Jaskier | Dandelion, Jaskier | Dandelion & Renfri | Shrike, Jaskier | Dandelion & Triss Merigold, Jaskier | Dandelion & Yennefer z Vengerbergu | Yennefer of Vengerberg, Renfri | Shrike & Yennefer z Vengerbergu | Yennefer of Vengerberg, Triss Merigold & Yennefer z Vengerbergu | Yennefer of Vengerberg, Triss Merigold/Yennefer z Vengerbergu | Yennefer of Vengerberg
Comments: 7
Kudos: 70





	1. jesus can't save you now

**Author's Note:**

> hey! this is my first Witcher fic and it might be slightly ooc at times but eh. i hope u enjoy!
> 
> {teenwolf: geralt  
> thebeemovie: jaskier  
> mottsapplejuice: yennefer  
> dannydevitosdoritos: ciri  
> thelorax: triss  
> thotticus: renfri}

**thebeemovie** has created the group “ **lemonade mouth stans”**

**thebeemovie** has added  **mottsapplejuice, dannydevitosdorito, thelorax, teenwolf,** and  **thotticus**

thebeemovie: cheeze-its and whipped cream is a valid meal and no you cannot change my mind

mottsapplejuice: you were dropped on your head multiple times as a baby and no you cannot change my mind

thebeemovie: >:(

mottsapplejuice: >:)

thebeemovie: i’m just trying to live my best life ok

thebeemovie: what have i ever done to you

mottsapplejuice: i have a list

thebeemovie: i want to call bullshit but i know better so imma just be the better person and step back

dannydevitosdorito: he’s not the better person he’s just scared of you

thebeemovie: i feel hurt, i feel betrayed, i dedicated my life to our lord and saviour jesus christ and this is the thanks i get

mottsapplejuice: jesus can’t save you now bitch

thebeemovie: i-

teenwolf: What the fuck is this? And why has Yenn just immediately begun to bully Jaskier?

mottsapplejuice: it’s my default mode

thebeemovie: geralt! darling! my love! you’re here!

teenwolf: I had no choice in this matter. I also have no idea how to leave so I repeat my question. What is this, Jask?

thotticus: oh god he uses proper grammar kick him

teenwolf: You’re suppose to use proper grammar? We aren’t in elementary school anymore.

teenwolf: How the hell did you pass English if this is how you type?

thotticus: fake it till u make it

thotticus: i refuse to sink as low as using capitalization

teenwolf: That’s not sinking low?

dannydevitosdoritos: geralt u aren’t gonna win this one 

teenwolf: I am still very confused. 

thebeemovie: this is a group chat, ger

thebeemovie: it has no other purpose than to complain about college

thebeemovie: ... and probably revive some dead memes here and there

mottsapplejuice: like ur name

thebeemovie: *dramatic gasp* HOW DARE U

thebeemovie: the bee movie was a cinematic masterpiece

thebeemovie: a true work of art

mottsapplejuice: u really have no standards do u

mottsapplejuice: i mean u are dating Geralt

thebeemovie: you dated him too!!!!!!!!!

mottsapplejuice: yeah it was a dark and scary time of my life

mottsapplejuice: i made questionable decisions back then

thebeemovie: that was only like a year and a half ago????

mottsapplejuice: my point still stands

thotticus: yenn how the fuck do you have the time to insult jaskier and study??? like hun you’re trying to become a lawyer????

thotticus: i have only exercise science shit and i’m always on the verge on a complete breakdown

mottsapplejuice: my secret is large amounts of redbull and coffee

dannydevitosdoritos: please tell me you drink them separately

mottsapplejuice: if that’s what you want to hear than sure

dannydevitosdoritos: i am concern ™️

mottsapplejuice: u’ll understand when ur a senior

mottsapplejuice: for now ur baby

dannydevitosdoritos: just because i’m a freshman doesn’t mean i’m baby???

thebeemovie: ur right it doesn’t ur a baby regardless of ur year

thelorax: i can hear her screaming down the hall

mottsapplejuice: triss!

thebeemovie: triss!

thotticus: triss!

thelorax: you sent that all at the same time are u guys ok

thebeemovie: nope but thanks for asking!

thotticus: ^^^^^^

teenwolf: Still confused as to the purpose of this but I have no doubt we will all lose at least half of our brain cells by the time we’re done with this Hell™️

thebeemovie: he knows how to use the ™️!!!!!

thebeemovie: i’m so proud


	2. Harvi The Raccoon

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> mottsapplejuice: WHY THE FUCK IS THERE A RACCOON IN UR ROOM JASKIER
> 
> thebeemovie: WHY ARE YOU IN MY ROOM
> 
> mottsapplejuice: I WANTED MY JACKET BACK BUT THAT’S NOT AN ANSWER
> 
> mottsapplejuice: HOW DID U EVEN GET A RACCOON
> 
> thebeemovie: U DON’T NEED TO KNOW

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Enjoy ;)
> 
> {teenwolf: geralt  
> thebeemovie: jaskier  
> mottsapplejuice: yennefer  
> dannydevitosdoritos: ciri  
> thelorax: triss  
> thotticus: renfri}

mottsapplejuice: WHY THE FUCK IS THERE A RACCOON IN UR ROOM JASKIER

thebeemovie: WHY ARE YOU IN MY ROOM

mottsapplejuice: I WANTED MY JACKET BACK BUT THAT’S NOT AN ANSWER

mottsapplejuice: HOW DID U EVEN GET A RACCOON

thebeemovie: U DON’T NEED TO KNOW

mottsapplejuice: HOW HAS NO ONE FOUND OUT YET

thebeemovie: BECAUSE HARVI IS A GOOD BOY AND IS WELL BEHAVED

mottsapplejuice: YOU NAMED HIM HARVI

thebeemovie: YES HARVI IS A GOOD NAME

mottsapplejuice: FOR ONE THAT’S SO EXTRA JUST SPELL IT HARVEY

mottsapplejuice: AND TWO THAT SOUNDS LIKE A TYPE OF CHEESE

thebeemovie: LEAVE MY CHILD ALONE

mottsapplejuice: HES FERAL HE JUST TRIED TO BITE ME

mottsapplejuice: I’M CALLING UR RA

thebeemovie: no wait fuck yenn no

thebeemovie: please don’t take my son away from me

thebeemovie: he just needs a little love that’s all

teenwolf: Jaskier…

thebeemovie: fuck i can hear the disappointment in his voice

thebeemovie: he’s my only source of happiness p l e a s e

teenwolf: He needs to go back to wherever his home is. He belongs outside, not in your disaster of a room.

thebeemovie: but his home is here now :’(

teenwolf: You are so not equipped to handle him, Jask. You can barely take care of yourself.

thotticus: he’s not wrong

thebeemovie: but…

thebeemovie: i love him

teenwolf: If you truly love him, you need to let him go.

thebeemovie: ok… : (

mottsapplejuice: i’m glad you agreed because he’s already gone

thebeemovie: W H A T

thebeemovie: WHAT DID U DO

mottsapplejuice: i plead the fifth

thotticus: wow u can really tell what ur major is huh

mottsapplejuice: :) 

thotticus: that has no right to be that threatening it’s only a smiley face

mottsapplejuice: :))

thotticus: imma just go take a drive to the other side of the country

dannydevitosdoritos: why would you think that would stop her

dannydevitosdoritos: if she wants you to suffer, you will suffer

dannydevitosdoritos: that is the law of this world

thebeemovie: hang on a sec back track

thebeemovie: what the hell did u do to my raccoon yennefer

mottsapplejuice: i thought we’d established you were letting it go

thebeemovie: so? i am still emotional invested in my son 

mottsapplejuice: i opened the door

mottsapplejuice: that’s it

thebeemovie: I LIVE ON THE SECOND FLOOR WHAT THE HELL YENN

thotticus: so that was what the screams were

thotticus: i think he bit one of the professors who was trying to shoo him away

mottsapplejuice: which one?

thotticus: professor stregobor

thebeemovie: oh ok then u did good Yenn

thebeemovie: is he hurt tho?

mottsapplejuice: ofc he isn’t i’m not a monster

mottsapplejuice: he fled back into the woods 

thelorax: i’m currently with Jaskier and he started crying what did y’all do

thelorax: ohhhhhhh ok i read up

thelorax: he has moved onto crying in my lap

mottsapplejuice: he gets too emotional invested in shit

thelorax: ur one to talk

mottsapplejuice: NO STOP TRISS THAT DOES NOT NEED TO BE SHARED

dannydevitosdoritos: oh? what’s this?

thotticus: do i smell some tea?

mottsapplejuice: triss please i’m begging u don’t

thelorax: a couple of years ago yenn brought a pet eel

thelorax: she named her eel Anica after a friend she used to have as a kid

mottsapplejuice: TRISS I TOLD U THIS IN COMPLETE CONFIDENCE

thelorax: yenn loved her eel. i came to yenn’s house one night and found her very, very drunk, sitting next to anica’s tank crying

thelorax: i asked what was wrong and yenn replied (this is a direct quote) “i love my little noodle so much”

thelorax: yenn is full out sobbing at this point

mottsapplejuice: T R A I T O R

thelorax: i think she tried to climb into the tank another time bc apparently anica “felt so alone and she needed a friend”

mottsapplejuice: WHY CANT I KICK HER JASKIER

thelorax: when anica died Yenn had a funeral for her

thelorax: and it was like full out she had a perfectly sized coffin made for her

thelorax: and there was a speech

mottsapplejuice: J A S K I E R

thebeemovie: i’m d y i n g

thotticus: holy shit this is g o l d

mottsapplejuice: i’m breaking up with you triss

thelorax: no ur not

**thelorax** has left the chat

dannydevitosdoritos: i strive to one day be as iconic as triss merigold

thotticus: seconded

thebeemovie: thirded

teenwolf: That’s not a word.

thebeemovie: who are u the keeper of all dictionaries

teenwolf: No, I’m the only one here with any common sense (besides Triss).

thebeemovie: thats… fair

  
  


**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Comments and kudos much appreciated!


	3. babies on campus

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> theghostofhottopic: anyways do you two want to do it to our campus
> 
> frenchfri: fuck yeah
> 
> justalittlebitofarsenic: what do i get out of it
> 
> theghostofhottopic: confusion and chaos?
> 
> justalittlebitofarsenic: alright i’m down

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> (theghostofhottopic = jaskier
> 
> frenchfri = renfri
> 
> justalittlearsenic = yennefer)

**theghostofhottopic** to  **that’s gay**

theghostofhottopic: hey so have either of u watched that video where someone put a bunch of tiny babies around their college campus

frenchfri: ofc i have

frenchfri: you do realize who ur talking to right

theghostofhottopic: yenn?

justalittlebitofarsenic: yes and yes

frenchfri: ? why the second yes

justalittlebitofarsenic: jask is about to ask us if we want to do it to our campus

theghostofhottopic: STOP STEALING MY THUNDER I WAS SUPPOSED TO TELL Y’ALL

theghostofhottopic: anyways do you two want to do it to our campus

frenchfri: fuck yeah

justalittlebitofarsenic: what do i get out of it

theghostofhottopic: confusion and chaos?

justalittlebitofarsenic: alright i’m down

frenchfri: i vote that we dye some of them

theghostofhottopic: why???????

frenchfri: more chaos

justalittlebitofarsenic: i’ve got a bunch of different dyes in my closet

theghostofhottopic: got green?

justalittlebitofarsenic: yeah and yes again

theghostofhottopic: HOW DO U KNOW WHAT I WAS GONNA SAY 

justalittlearsenic: telepathy

frenchfri: see if anyone else had said that i would have laughed at them but it’s yennefer and i am going to take no chances

frenchfri: u shouldn’t either Jaskier i would like to live to see another day

theghostofhottopic: alright fine

theghostofhottopic: for reference i want to dye some of them green and just write shrek on like their forehead or somewhere

theghostofhottopic: and i may or may not have already ordered them so if y’all wanna head to my dorm room we can Begin

frenchfri: be there in five

teenwolf to  **Lemonade Mouth Stans**

teenwolf: So I would like to start this meeting by saying what the fuck.

dannydevitosdoritos: ?

teenwolf: There are so many tiny baby figures around campus

teenwolf: They haven’t even all been found. I think the count is about 150 now?

dannydevitosdoritos: do they know who did it?

teenwolf: Not officially, but everyone has kind of agreed who did it already.

dannydevitosdoritos: just tell me geralt

teenwolf: Well, who do you know that would buy over 100+ tiny babies and then plant them all around campus? Who would strive on the chaos that would bring?

dannydevitosdoritos: that narrows it down but still idk

teenwolf: Which members of this group have gone suspiciously silent when they’re usually active 24/7? 

dannydevitosdoritos: ohhhhhh

dannydevitosdoritos: WHAT THE FUCK Y’ALL

dannydevitosdoritos: WHY DIDN’T U INVITE ME

dannydevitosdoritos: I KNOW U CAN SEE THESE JASKIER, YENN, AND RENFRI

thebeemovie: i have no idea what ur talking about

mottsapplejuice: yeah i’ve been cramming all day so i hadn’t even heard about this till now

mottsapplejuice: y’all do realize i am studying LAW and have many years of schooling to go

thotticus: yeah and i’ve been chilling in me and Triss’s room

mottsapplejuice: this would have taken so much time and that’s way too much effort for me

teenwolf: I know it was you guys.

thotticus: stop assuming shit geralt

thotticus: for one there is zero (0) proof and we have busy schedules

thotticus: we wouldn’t drop this low

teenwolf: hmmmm

teenwolf: Jaskier…

thebeemovie: it was us

mottsapplejuice: WHAT THE FUCK DUDE

thotticus: TRAITOR

thebeemovie: I'M SORRY I COULD HEAR THE DISAPPOINTMENT IN HIS VOICE AGAIN

thebeemovie: I’M JUST AN ANXIETY FILLED BUBBLE THAT CONSTANTLY NEEDS THE APPROVAL OF OTHER PPL

thebeemovie: WHAT IF HE BREAKS UP WITH ME HUH

teenwolf: 

teenwolf: Jaskier, I would never. Please believe me when I say you mean everything to me. I’m not as good with words as you are, but without you I’d be lost. And coming from me, Mr. Emotionally Constipated, that means a lot.

thebeemovie: geralt... 

thotticus: NOPE NUH-UH

thotticus: YOU GUYS WANNA BE SAPPY DO IT PRIVATELY 

thotticus: THIS IS A SINGLES-SAFE ZONE

mottsapplejuice: you and Ciri are the only singles here dude

dannydevitosdoritos: nah it’s just Ren

mottsapplejuice: WEFVIJOWREDJJHE

mottsapplejuice: W H A T

thotticus: CIRI WHAT WHY DIDN’T U TELL US

teenwolf: YOU’RE TOO YOUNG TO DATE

thebeemovie: I SECOND THAT

thebeemovie: WHY DIDN’T U TELL ME

thotticus: uhh what about the rest of us?

thebeemovie: you guys too i guess

thebeemovie: CIRI SPILL

dannydevitosdoritos: all of that was sent in 80 seconds

dannydevitosdoritos: A L L O F I T

dannydevitosdoritos: and u questioned why i didn’t share

mottsapplejuice: we just have ur best interests in mind

mottsapplejuice: on the same note tho what’s their name what’s their major how old are they what dorm do they live in

thelorax: yenn babe back off

mottsapplejuice: but :(

thelorax: she deserves to live not get interrogated the second she divulges something personal

thotticus: triss: our last brain cell

thotticus: but yeah i agree

thotticus: sorry for pushing CC

dannydevitosdoritos: it’s ok i know ur just jealous

thotticus: i don’t know whether to be proud of ur sass or offended

thotticus: i’ll go with proud

mottsapplejuice: i’m sorry too ciri i’ll give u ur space

mottsapplejuice: no matter how much i wanna call in all my favours to get the tea

dannydevitosdoritos: thank u

thelorax: geralt? jaskier?

teenwolf: It’s hard seeing you grow up.

teenwolf: I’ve known you since you were a kid.

teenwolf: But yeah I agree too and I’m happy you found someone (even if no one truly deserves you).

thelorax: i suppose that’s as good as we’re gonna get

thelorax: jaskier? don’t think ur getting out of this

thebeemovie: uggggghhhhhhh fine

thebeemovie: ciri i love u and i’m sorry i was pushy ur allowed ur privacy

dannydevitosdoritos: it’s ok you guys

dannydevitosdoritos: i appreciate the concern (?)

dannydevitosdoritos: but i’m 1 9 i’m allowed to date

teenwolf: We know and we promise to back off.

teenwolf: Side note though:

teenwolf: HOW DID U GET THE TINY BABIES ON TOP OF THE BELL TOWER

  
  


**Notes for the Chapter:**

> so yeah! i'm updating this again! woohoo!


End file.
